What is schema therapy?
Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationships, with the same feelings? A plain look at the core ideas of schema therapy and how sessions work.
Sometimes we find ourselves in the same kind of relationship again and again, or feel the same intense emotion in similar situations. The question "why does this keep happening?" is one of the central questions schema therapy works with.
Where does schema therapy come from?
Schema therapy is a therapeutic approach developed by psychologist Jeffrey Young. It brings the structured side of cognitive behavioral therapy together with ideas from attachment theory, gestalt therapy and psychodynamic approaches. It is used especially for working with long-standing, deep-rooted patterns in how a person sees themselves and their relationships.
What is a schema?
A schema is a set of deep beliefs and emotional patterns that usually forms in childhood and adolescence, when core emotional needs aren't adequately met. Schemas quietly shape how we see ourselves, other people and the world.
For example, a child who received love and attention inconsistently may carry a strong expectation into adulthood that the people they love will leave. Even if that expectation doesn't seem logical, it can show up as intense anxiety at the slightest distance in a relationship.
Some schemas that come up often in the literature:
- Abandonment: The people I'm close to will leave sooner or later.
- Defectiveness: If people knew who I really am, they wouldn't love me.
- Unrelenting standards: Whatever I do, it's never good enough.
- Self-sacrifice: Other people's needs always come before mine.
Core needs and modes
According to schema therapy, everyone has core emotional needs, such as secure attachment, being able to express ourselves, autonomy, play and spontaneity, and realistic limits. When these needs go unmet for a long time, schemas can develop.
Another key idea in this approach is the mode. A mode describes the emotional state we're in at a given moment: a hurt part that feels helpless, a voice that criticizes harshly, or a part that tries to stay safe by shutting feelings out. In therapy, the work involves recognizing these modes, naming them and finding a healthier balance between them.
What happens in schema therapy sessions?
The process usually begins with understanding the person's story and the difficulties they face today. Then we explore together which schemas and modes stand out. Alongside talking, the work may include imagery exercises, chair work and steps aimed at patterns of behavior in daily life.
In schema therapy, the therapeutic relationship itself also matters. Within clear boundaries, the therapist helps the person notice needs that went unmet in the past and approach them in a new way.
Who might it suit?
Schema therapy is often used with adults facing repeating relationship patterns, long-standing anxiety or low mood, harsh self-criticism or difficulties related to personality patterns. But no single approach suits everyone in the same way. Which method fits you can be discussed in the first sessions, once we've looked at your needs together.
Schemas didn't form overnight, and working with them takes time too. But noticing a pattern is the beginning of being able to see it from a different angle.
In my sessions, we decide together which approach to use. You can read about how I work on the individual therapy page.
